Op-Ed -- Masking and Closeting: How neurodivergent and LGBTQ people fake another identity to stay safe and successful

by Olga Fritz-Pulford

Imagine being at a social gathering and you force yourself to make eye contact with other people despite the immense fear it brings. Then you feel the intense urge to flap your hands, but you hold them tightly, so you don’t stim. Then you feel the urge to talk about your special interest, the Hoover Dam, in a detailed and in-depth way that describes everything you know about the dam such as the date it was conceived, what it’s made of, exact dimensions of its power plants, etc., and do that for the whole meeting. Instead, you force yourself to make small talk about the weather.  This is an example of an autistic person heavily masking like they would at a social gathering at work.

Imagine being a gay man and under your boss’s high expectations about your behavior at work, when talking about your marriage, you say a statement such as good morning boss, how are you? And then he replies, "Good, how was your weekend?” I say, I went to the pool yesterday with my partner and we had beer. After talking about the pool, I then walk over to my cubicle with its barren desk and walls and silently think to myself, “Why does my cubicle have to be the only one with no pictures of my husband in it while female workers can have pictures of their husbands all over their cubicle without having a negative confrontation with the same boss I have?” This is an example of how a gay man may closet at work. 

Masking and closeting

Masking is defined as hiding, or limiting behaviors related to neurodiversity so that one appears as neurotypical. Closeting is hiding one's sexual identity or deliberately leaving out anything related to sexual identity to appear non-LGBTQ. 

Unfortunately, the issue of masking and closeting is so ingrained and promoted in our society that this topic is heavily overlooked and not well known by neurotypicals and non-LGBTQ people. In fact masking and closeting may be forced upon the LGBTQ or neurodivergent people by parents, teachers or principals, bosses, and staff of public places. They do this out of the fear that these individuals won't succeed or seem disruptive because their behavior differs from the norm. People also willingly mask or closet out of fear of facing negative consequences in society. 

As an autistic young woman who went to high school along with LGBTQ classmates, I understand the difficulties and struggles related to closeting and masking. 

Consequences

Masking and closeting is not only uncomfortable but also can pose a real danger. A study found that 70 percent of autistic adults mask and this behavior is used by other types of neurodivergent people. This high rate of masking can cause,

• Chronic stress and being in constant fight or flight mode
• Higher rates of anxiety and depression
• Increased meltdowns and shutdowns
• Mental fatigue and burnout that can last hours or days after school, work or other social outings
• Three times more frequent drug use than that of non-autistic people
• Suicidality and suicide

Likewise, LGBTQ people who are closeted also showed higher rates of anxiety, depression and stress. As such, closeting and masking should be considered an unhealthy lifestyle. A study done by Psychosomatic Medicine found that LGBTQ people who stopped closeting had lower cortisol levels compared to LGBTQ who kept closeting. Masking for neurodivergent people has been shown to cause headaches, muscle tension and gastrointestinal problems. 

Masking and closeting ruins identities and self-esteem. When the neurodivergent mask very often, they may forget what their true self is really like! Something is wrong when you hear a neurodivergent person say “Who am I really when I don’t mask?” Unfortunately, this can also lead to a loss of self-esteem. When they mask, they start to think that their true identity is wrong, leading them to think that something is inherently wrong with them. 

Closeting has similar effects on LGBTQ people. When they closet all the time, this can lead to them to not being able to even acknowledge to themselves or others their same-sex relationships and desires. Closeting can also lower self-esteem by making the LGBTQ person disassociate between their strengths and their accomplishments. 

A particularly harmful widespread argument is that masking and closeting is inherent for the LGBTQ and neurodivergent person's success in life. This argument also says masking and closeting are important to avoid bullying, discrimination and harassment.

Moving beyond masking and closeting

This idea of masking and closeting for success can be debunked. Masking can cause a delayed diagnosis that would help a neurodivergent person access necessary resources at work or school. It can also make going to the art museum a stressful experience instead of a fun one because all your effort is put into masking instead of enjoying the exhibits. Masking can even cause complete avoidance of social activities. Closeting is not much different. Closeting can make the LGBTQ avoid finding partners due to fear of stigma of same-sex relationships. Closeting and masking can even go as far as the LGBTQ and neurodivergent willingly abandoning jobs they are a perfect fit for. 

In reality, masking and closeting is a symptom of a society that refuses to change to accept people for who they are. Society would rather keep with familiar ideas at the expense of the wellbeing of the LGBTQ and neurodivergent groups. The discrimination that the neurodivergent and LGBTQ face only reinforces the false societal standards of having to appear neurotypical or non-LGBTQ. 

This promotion of closeting and masking towards the LGBTQ and neurodivergent needs to stop now. Unfortunately, it will take time for society and the workplace to become more accepting of the neurodivergent and LGBTQ.  Many workplaces and public spaces still aren't open to divergent identities or ways of thinking. 

Towards solutions

Despite these social problems, there are still ways to help reduce the need for masking or closeting while working within current society and speeding up change towards acceptance and diversity. The solutions are:

• Proper education on the LGBTQ and neurodivergent
• Minimizing your own masking or closeting

Proper education about the traits of neurodivergent and the LGBTQ is important. This can take the form of having accurate information about autism and LGBTQ identity in parenting lessons or books so new parents know what to do and what not to do when raising a child belonging to one or both of these groups. 

A common problem that plagues the LGBTQ and neurodivergent people is that lots of information written about them and resources designed for them is not being created by a person with one of these identities. Examples of this would be an Autism Support Group being run by neurotypical persons or a One-in-Ten center being run by a heterosexual cisgender person, even when such individuals may be well-trained and well-intended. 

False information and stereotypes lead to more discrimination and harassment which can lead to a higher need for masking or closeting or the promotion of masking or closeting because the traits of these groups are portrayed as undesirable. A way to properly educate about the needs of these groups is having mandatory unbiased training on the LGBTQ or neurodiversity in workplaces and schools. 

There are also ways to minimize your own masking or closeting. If possible, save the masking or closeting for the workplace or classroom and just be yourself when in informal places such as the library, grocery store, with friends or at museums etc. 

When searching for a job or degree, pick one that will require the least amount of closeting or masking and even might utilize unique skills and traits of the LGBTQ or neurodivergent person. An example is an autistic person working in a back cubicle which requires less social interaction but puts their knowledge and traits to best use.  Another example would be a lesbian woman working at a nonprofit doing marriage counseling instead of working for a large corporation.  

Lastly, let traits come out more. If you're neurodivergent, bring a stress ball to work and talk about your special interest with friends. If you identify as LGBTQ, talk about your same-sex partner with a close coworker on break in a private space or have a picture of your same sex partner at work that you can look at occasionally. 

Conclusion

Unfortunately, masking and closeting is still needed till society becomes more accepting, but they can be minimized. Life for the LGBTQ or neurodivergent person would be a lot more fun if they can be at a social gathering with friends talking about their special interest that is the Hover Dam while looking at the forest in the distance to avoid uncomfortable eye contact. A gay man being able to answer a question that his boss asks saying “How was your weekend?” with “Good, I went to church with my husband Dan,” while standing in front of his desk covered in pictures from his marriage. 

This future is possible, but not without proper education and advice for LGBTQ and neurodivergent persons. Having these groups be more themselves can ultimately unmask useful neurodivergent traits to employers and help the LGBTQ and neurodivergent lead more fulfilling lives. 

About the author: Olga Fritz-Pulford is a graduate student with autism who is completing the Masters in Human Rights Practice at the University of Arizona. Her career originally focused on environmental problems and advocacy but has since then veered more towards human rights when she learned, through recent work experience, about the hidden struggles that neurodivergent people like her face in real life. 

To read more about this blogpost series, you can visit: Perspectives on Neurodivergence: A two-part op-ed series

To read the other blogpost in this series, you can visit: We Are All Computers: Some of us just have different operating systems by Corinne Burbank